Not once do you envision the man of your dreams losing everything he owned in 1 week. My boyfriend was homeless. Homelessness has many faces. The thing is your coworker or family member could be experiencing homelessness and you probably wouldn’t even know because they would be too prideful to tell you. Continue reading to find out why I stayed with my boyfriend when he was homeless.
How We Met
When I met my husband, he had a car, his own place, and three jobs. He had goals and big dreams. Plus he was that type of person that was so motivated that having conversations with them left you feeling motivated and like you needed to get your shit together. He taught me everything on the foundations of building a business. Through his love, I learned how to put my guard down and let him in. He taught me a lot about communicating in your relationship as well. Things were perfect when we met, he would send edible arrangements to my job, buy me Godiva chocolates, get me the latest Trey Songz Cd’s, surprised me with picnic dates in the park. It was unreal. It was like it was too good to be true and we were falling for each other so fast.
When we met, we both agreed that we didn’t want a relationship. I made it clear to him that just because I didn’t want a relationship, I wasn’t going to be a booty call kind of girl either. I had some healing to do. I just got out of a terrible relationship and I had to get my mind right. He recently ended a long relationship as well so he wasn’t rushing to settle down again. We clearly understood this, but we vibed with each other really well.
Then fate happened and that thing that we thought we both didn’t want we realized we both needed each other. Though he fell first. When he decided to get together, I was hesitant, I felt I needed more time to heal. He was patient yet persistent with me and we eventually became an item.
Things Changed Overnight
First, his car got repossessed. Then he got evicted. I remember he picked me up, to take me on a date in an unknown car and told me everything that was going down. It was a lot to process. He let me know that he wanted to be straight up with me and never wanted to be a burden and if it was too much for me to deal with then he would understand if I decided to end the relationship.
I instantly decided that I would ride it out with him. I felt that his situation would make him stronger. Plus I was pretty resourceful so I was sure I could help him find resources to get back on his feet.
I started to feel guilty cause this guy that was taking me out on dates could’ve been saving his coins.
Why Not Stay With Family?
My first reaction was for him to stay with his family. He had lots of local family members that I knew would be willing to take him in, but I quickly learned that he had a lot of pride too. His pride was preventing him from permanently staying with family. Though he would stay with them every now and then or run in to take a quick shower. He still didn’t have a place to call home. The first thing on his list was to get a car which he did. As soon as he got the car – his car became his new home. This was heartbreaking to me.
What My “Friends” Had to Say About It
Majority of my friends told me to pretty much run and not look back. They constantly told me that he didn’t have it all together and why would I want to be with a man that doesn’t have his ish together? How could he provided for me when he was struggling to take care of himself? Part of what they were saying was true but another part of it seemed so harsh. I was supposed to let a good thing go because of a bad situation. This left me feeling perplexed. Like if I leave him what does that say about my character? If I stay with him what will other people think?
Why I stayed?
I loved him. To some, you have to let people go to find themselves. To outsiders looking in they probably thought that I didn’t love myself for dealing with that, but to me, love was all we needed.
I stayed because I believed in him. No, he didn’t have his ish together but neither did I. I felt judgmental and I refused to break his spirit. More importantly, this was the man that I prayed for. I remember getting down on my knees crying and praying to God, for a good man. I remember being done with f*** boys and wanting a relationship that required depth. Where I could find an equal, a respectful, smart honest man.
So I was supposed to give up the good thing that we had because he was homeless? I felt if I left him then I was materialistic and judgmental, but more importantly, I would be denying what I truly felt God sent to me. I felt that God was testing me.
And I was up for the challenge. I quickly learned that you get exactly what you pray for in God’s way.
Let me make this clear
During this time frame…
Never once did my man stop working.
Never once did he stop loving me.
Not once did he use me or try to take advantage of me because of his situation.
I felt enough of our men are broken. My boyfriend (now husband) at the time had hit rock bottom. His car got evicted cause he bought a car he couldn’t afford. He was busting his butt working hard but not working smart. He was working three jobs that paid horribly. At this time, I realized he needed to be built up. He didn’t realize his worth. That he was worth more than the shitty jobs or how intelligent he was even though he didn’t have a college degree to show for it. Therefore, he wasn’t able to afford the apartment.
How We Got Through It
Initially, I tried to let him sort it out. He stayed in a hotel a couple of nights. A few nights with friends and then when that got played out he stayed with a family member. He needed time to get on his feet, but felt that they were asking for too many funds, so he started renting out a room, but he really didn’t like it so he ended up sleeping in his car.
During the room situation, he wouldn’t let me visit him there cause he felt it wasn’t a safe place for a woman to be. He hated it so much, he ended up sleeping in his car.
When I found out he was sleeping in his car, it broke my heart, I felt helpless, I searched for shelters for him. This is where I learned that getting into a shelter wasn’t as easy as I thought and there weren’t a lot of resources out there for single, childless homeless men. They had a waiting list. I urged him to go back with his family. I felt a little torn because we weren’t even a year in on dating and I had just moved out of my parent’s house and wasn’t sure I was ready to take the relationship to that step.
Eventually, I felt no choice but to because he wasn’t budging when it came to staying with his family. I had to intervene and invite him to stay at my apartment. He was so prideful, he didn’t want to do that either. My objective was for it to be a temporary solution. For him to save up and get back on his feet. He felt it wasn’t manly for him to not pay all the bills. He wasn’t a moocher and didn’t want to come across that way. I knew in order for the relationship to work, he needed to move in because I was not about to date a man living in his car without a plan and I made that clear to him. We came to an agreement on bills. He paid half the rent. Also, my fridge was never empty. This was something he enjoyed doing on his own.
Where We Are Today
He never moved out, we just kept building together and will continue to do so. Is our life perfect? No, but its perfectly imperfect. We believed in each other. He has been there for me at my darkest hours and when it comes to him so have I. To others we had a rocky foundation. To me, we had a solid foundation built on love. That’s why our bond is so strong. Today we joke and say if we can get through that we can get through anything.
Early in our relationship, we decided to keep our relationship private. The fewer people knew the better. I am so grateful that we made this decision, it helps. Sometimes the opinions of others can end a good relationship. Also, I have learned that the advice others are so quick to give they dare wouldn’t give themselves if in the same situation, so you have to follow your heart and listen to God not man.
Today we own our home and I have built a business based on what he taught me and soon he will start building his. He is no longer working those minimum waged jobs, it took him a while, but he has learned his worth. I’m so glad I stayed.
Have you been through a point in your marriage or relationship that other people didn’t understand? Please comment below. I want to hear from you.