I was raised on the notion that little girl’s must be seen and not heard by my mother, but my father always preached to us that the squeaky wheel gets the grease and never sugar-coated the fact that life would be harder for us because we are black and female.
Using My Upbringing
Getting two contrasting messages by both parents can be confusing as hell, but I now reflect and realize that I apply both from time to time.
I’m a Leo so I’m fiesty and it doesn’t take much for me to go off, but I’ve learned to pick my battles. Though I am an introvert I’ve learned the importance of observing and speaking when I need to.
Don’t Try to Silence Me
There are two major pet peeves that I have. 1. To be ignored. 2. To be silenced.
I’m a diligent worker. I get the job done and handle business. Most bosses loved me because I was easy-going and laid back but once I spoke up it was like the quiet easy-going black girl became a threat. This is where picking my battles came up again. I’ve learned that not everything is worth a fight. Sometimes it’s okay to agree to disagree, but what happens when you have to speak up or you have to fight even if you are the only one doing so.
You fight right? Naw scratch that you prepare to go to war because the moment the black girl speaks up she is deemed as a threat. That’s what happened when I was pregnant with Kairo, I spoke up. I refused to tolerate a toxic environment to put the health of my child in danger but I did it tactfully. I didn’t threaten, dash a drink across the table and I did it privately. I stood up for what I believed was right and I got shunned.
This isn’t the first time. This reaction led me back in the place that a male dominated world wants us to go. That space of inferiority to silence us. I’ve been silenced so many times consciously and unconsciously it got to the point where I wanted to speak up so bad but it’s like I forgot how. It’s like I lost my voice. I had been figuratively pushed down so much I felt like there was no more fight left but this week I can say that I fought. I but my battle shoes on, went to war and I won.
Why I fought
I fought for all the times that I felt I was opressed. I fought because I am no longer going to shut up and I fought because I knew fighting represented fighting for those that feel like they no longer have energy to fight.
I will not be silenced and neither should our girls be. We need to raise them to be unafraid to speak up yet be prepared to get bogged down but speak up again until she is heard and for those of you that feel as though all the energy has been sucked out of you when it comes to fighting keep fighting I’m right there’s with you.
If you are wondering what on earth did I fight for. I will be able to share the full story soon.
Have you ever felt so defeated that you thought you couldn’t fight anymore. Please share.